Living in Harmony
Talk by Jan Gordon on 5'th April 2014
2 Corinthians 5:18 (The Message): 'All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.'
God has created us to be in relationship - He himself is three in one: Father, Son and Holy Spirit!
The first step is being in the right relationship with Him... He seeks to be in a loving relationship with us - most of us know that beautiful painting, 'the Light of the World' by William Holman Hunt where we see Jesus knocking on an over-grown and long unopened door representing Revelation 3:20 - “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."
You have already heard so much about the Father's love and our absolute need to be in relationship with Him. He...
also wants us to be in relationship with one another. We cannot live without others. If we are alone we suffer… for this reason God created Eve in Genesis 2:19 - “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, 'I can do better than that!'
2. As the Bible says, 'It is not good for Man to be alone'!
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
4. As the keeper of the garden Adam would never remember where he kept his tools.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, Adam would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the rubbish out
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make himself a doctor's, dentist's or hairdresser's appointment
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his was worn out and would therefore need Eve to do it for him.
9. God knew one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote control.
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
Life is about loving others and learning to relate with them. As children, we gradually learn how to be in relationship and communicate with others – first with our parents and siblings, our wider family, the Church family if we grow up in a Christian family and then our world gradually opens up to other people: neighbours, friends, then to those we’ll meet at kindergarten and then school... and on it goes.
Mary Pitches says in one of her books, ‘Yesterday’s child’, “Children need 15 to 18 years of reliable loving to grow into healthy adults” That means most of us have had varying experiences of relationship and therefore of communication. When our relationships have been healthy ones, we have learned to communicate in a wholesome way.
To live in harmony with one another we need to be able to communicate successfully in a healthy and fitting way - so often breakdowns in relationships occur when we have not known how to communicate successfully. We must:
1 Peter 3: 8-10 – “Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tender-hearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.”
For many of us this will be a challenge! Yes, there are people it’s very easy to like, love, bless... but others – well, they’re much more of a challenge!!! And God knows this...
Matthew 5:46-48 "If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect”
So let’s look at some indispensable components for healthy relationships:
Are you reconciled with others?
Is there any person you would call an enemy, a rival, an opponent
· Is there any group of people you struggle with, dislike or even hate?
We have considered examples of individuals.... what about people groups?
Can you honestly tell yourself that you feel totally comfortable with all those examples?
It is doubtful – we are all hurt at some time or another, to some extent or another.
As Christians we know that we need to deal with such wrong attitudes but HOW?
Problems are not reconciled – people are! : The first thing we must realise is that we have to take the initiative, whether we’re responsible for the problem or not. If this is truly the case then there will be 4 stages:
If you feel that you need to forgive someone or ask forgiveness of someone – then we encourage you to take a piece of paper (we have some here) and write down:
The Body of Christ today is riddled with criticism, disagreements, arguments, disputes - how can we speak to those in the world when they see a divided church full of negative relationships. We need to deal with this and bring unity into the Body of Christ... and it starts with each one of us
I'd like to finish by reading what Paul says about relationships...
Paul writes in Philippians 2:1-4 – “Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Prayer...
God has created us to be in relationship - He himself is three in one: Father, Son and Holy Spirit!
The first step is being in the right relationship with Him... He seeks to be in a loving relationship with us - most of us know that beautiful painting, 'the Light of the World' by William Holman Hunt where we see Jesus knocking on an over-grown and long unopened door representing Revelation 3:20 - “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."
You have already heard so much about the Father's love and our absolute need to be in relationship with Him. He...
also wants us to be in relationship with one another. We cannot live without others. If we are alone we suffer… for this reason God created Eve in Genesis 2:19 - “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, 'I can do better than that!'
2. As the Bible says, 'It is not good for Man to be alone'!
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
4. As the keeper of the garden Adam would never remember where he kept his tools.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, Adam would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the rubbish out
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make himself a doctor's, dentist's or hairdresser's appointment
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his was worn out and would therefore need Eve to do it for him.
9. God knew one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote control.
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
Life is about loving others and learning to relate with them. As children, we gradually learn how to be in relationship and communicate with others – first with our parents and siblings, our wider family, the Church family if we grow up in a Christian family and then our world gradually opens up to other people: neighbours, friends, then to those we’ll meet at kindergarten and then school... and on it goes.
Mary Pitches says in one of her books, ‘Yesterday’s child’, “Children need 15 to 18 years of reliable loving to grow into healthy adults” That means most of us have had varying experiences of relationship and therefore of communication. When our relationships have been healthy ones, we have learned to communicate in a wholesome way.
To live in harmony with one another we need to be able to communicate successfully in a healthy and fitting way - so often breakdowns in relationships occur when we have not known how to communicate successfully. We must:
- Be honest
- Be vulnerable
- Be willing to recognise one's own weaknesses and shortcomings
- Recognise we can be wrong
- Seek to understand one another's expectations
- Be ready to forgive when communication flounders or fails so we can come back into fellowship with one another
1 Peter 3: 8-10 – “Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tender-hearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.”
For many of us this will be a challenge! Yes, there are people it’s very easy to like, love, bless... but others – well, they’re much more of a challenge!!! And God knows this...
Matthew 5:46-48 "If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect”
So let’s look at some indispensable components for healthy relationships:
- Belonging: gives us a sense of identity – we know who we are and this is essential in forming good relationships.
- Being loved: A couple were interviewing a little boy they wanted to adopt and they described the many things they could give him. To their amazement, the little boy said, "If you have nothing to offer except a good home, clothes, toys, and the other things most kids have, I would just as soon stay here." "What on earth could you want besides those things?" the woman asked. "I just want someone to love me," replied the little boy.
- Trust: in his book, “Right Relationships”, Tom Marshall defines trust as “a condition in which you voluntarily make yourself dependant on another person for some outcome or other, or for some result or consequence”. We cannot be forced to trust; it’s a choice we make, a risk we take...
- Respect or honour: recognising other people’s worth or value
- Commitment: this is a choice; the stronger the relationship the higher our commitment must be – and sadly we live in an age where commitment is suffering because of individualism and self-centredness.
- Praise releases a sense of confidence. Sadly we are often quick to criticize and slow to praise and encourage
Are you reconciled with others?
Is there any person you would call an enemy, a rival, an opponent
- Perhaps that’s rather strong language for a Christian! But is there someone you’d cross the street to avoid meeting; you’d change aisles in the supermarket rather than face; you’d do anything to steer clear of...?
- We are all faced at some time or other with the temptation: a member of your family whom you feel betrayed by; a friend you mistakenly thought you could trust; a colleague who’s been ready to gain promotion by unfair means; even a Christian brother or sister who’s let you down.
- We need to ask the Lord to help us deal with this and not put it off
- When we were running our welcoming centre called Béthanie, we lived as a community in a wide sense of the word. Since we and Béthanie were called to a ministry of reconciliation it’s not surprising that we were often challenged in our relationships...!!!
· Is there any group of people you struggle with, dislike or even hate?
We have considered examples of individuals.... what about people groups?
- How do you feel about Christians from other denominations?
- How about the people from other areas of the British Isles?
- How about those of another nationality?
- How about those of a different generation?
- As a woman how do you feel about men?
- If you’re working class, what about the middle class … or vice versa?
Can you honestly tell yourself that you feel totally comfortable with all those examples?
It is doubtful – we are all hurt at some time or another, to some extent or another.
As Christians we know that we need to deal with such wrong attitudes but HOW?
Problems are not reconciled – people are! : The first thing we must realise is that we have to take the initiative, whether we’re responsible for the problem or not. If this is truly the case then there will be 4 stages:
- Brokenness – putting aside any excuses which will surely rise up within us : if we are the ‘victim’ we will, of course, feel the brokenness but if this is not the case, we also need to experience the pain of the other party as the Holy Spirit puts us in touch with their hurt.
- Humble repentance: as we experience this pain, we will have a strong urge to repent for that sin. (Tom Marshall puts it this way: ‘To begin with, we have to realise that both by our actions and reactions we have sinned against, and grieved the Holy Spirit. For example if I behave wrongly towards someone, I grieve the Holy Spirit. If they react wrongly, the Holy Spirit is grieved again.) This repentance will break the stronghold of the wound or wounds
- Forgiveness: so much is misunderstood about forgiveness. Yes, it is a commandment - but it does not justify sin; it does not remove accountability – so many people say to us “but that person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven” that’s not the point! If we don’t forgive, how can God forgive us? Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. ”Let us not forget that forgiveness is not an emotion but a choice we make with our wills as a step of faith. Once we say ‘I choose to forgive’ then we begin that process (yes, it is a process) and only then will our emotions come into line with the decision we have made.
- Reconciliation: this can take place when the process is complete and we learn to walk in the healing the Lord has brought. We have a new blueprint for our life and must determine not to slip back into our old ways.
If you feel that you need to forgive someone or ask forgiveness of someone – then we encourage you to take a piece of paper (we have some here) and write down:
- the name of the person involved
- what you need to forgive or ask forgiveness for
- when you feel ready to do so, come and shred the paper as a sign that you’re leaving it with the Lord
The Body of Christ today is riddled with criticism, disagreements, arguments, disputes - how can we speak to those in the world when they see a divided church full of negative relationships. We need to deal with this and bring unity into the Body of Christ... and it starts with each one of us
I'd like to finish by reading what Paul says about relationships...
Paul writes in Philippians 2:1-4 – “Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Prayer...